The sky is too falling

Salt Lake Tribune writer Gordon Monson says the sky is not falling. He is simply wrong. I know so because Foxey Loxey told me. The speech was hurried and he was kind of out of breath. It took me awhile to understand what he was saying between the huffing gasps, but all-in-all Loxey presented detailed evidence the sky is indeed coming down on our heads.

Foxey toured the local radio talk show circuit, his picture was in the paper standing in front of a powerpoint presentation with the title “findings”, and he spoke at the UN while holding a vile of Matt Harpring’s urine, for Christ sake! How could he possibly be wrong? This morning I went to Smith's superstore and bought the biggest tub of peanut butter I could find and nine rolls of tape with an ape on the label (…indicating it was indeed strong like an ape and not silly, or weak, like a monkey, i.e. the competitors tape). Then down to Fanzz where I picked up nineteen Kris Humphries jersey’s which I have fixed into a makeshift quilt which could also double as a land sail for a skateboard.

I also purchased the latest copy of WWE’s Investor's Business Explosion, you know so just in case the sky isn’t falling I’ll come out of the whole affair better off…you never know, during half time tonight Sloan might slip and break his hip on a puddle of Larry Miller’s tears.